She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
