Can i not drive my cunt home
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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