I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
