How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
