I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
