I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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