when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
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