I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
