mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
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You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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