I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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