y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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