I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
