So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
