This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
