Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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