i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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