eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
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There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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