If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
