I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
