We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
