Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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