You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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