I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
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she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
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I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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