I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
