Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
