I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
