So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
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i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
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After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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