I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
