so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
