ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
