i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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