i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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