i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
