I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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