i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
