Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
