Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
