I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
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He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
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So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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