we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
