There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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