Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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