Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
