saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
