i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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