This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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