you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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