you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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