Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
only if we run a train.
done.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
