the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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