I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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