I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
