we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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