i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
