I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
