And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
