I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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