What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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