Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
