Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
