By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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