you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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