I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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