Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
