new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He passed out mid-signature
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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