As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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