I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
