and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?