We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men