I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
