Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
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I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
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Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need to calm my uterus...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.